Blond Jokes - I'm a natural blond so I know
these jokes, well some of them,... are false..lol
A blonde, brunette and redhead woman decided
to compete in the Breast Stroke division
of the English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second.
The blonde finally reached the shore completely
exhausted. After being revived with blankets
and a drink she remarked, "I don't want
to complain, but I'm pretty sure those other
two girls used their arms.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying
to unlock the door of their Mercedes with
a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get
the door open, but they just couldn't! The
blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a
moment to catch her breath. The other blonde
said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting
to rain and the top is down."
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to
raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid
and hold him for ransom. So she went to a
playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind
a tree. "I've kidnapped you!",
said the blonde and then proceeded to write
a note saying, "I've kidnapped your
kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper
bag and place it under the pecan tree next
to the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's
shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under
the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was
sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag
and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
"How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
A blonde executive was driving by a field
one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat
in the middle of a dirt field. She drove
over to her and said, "It's idiots like
you that give blondes a bad name, and if
I could swim I would come over there and
kick your ass!"
A couple of blondes were driving through
Louisiana when they came to a sign that told
them they were almost to Natchitoches. They
argued all the way there about how to pronounce
the name of the town. Finally they stopped
for lunch. After getting their food, one
of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can
you settle an argument for us? Very slowly,
tell us where we are."
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
There were two blondes going to California
for the summer, they are about two hours
into the flight and the pilot gets on the
intercom and says we just lost an engine
but it is all right we have three more but
it will take us an hour longer. A half hour
later he gets on the intercom again and says
we just lost another engine but its all right
we have two more it will take us another
half hour though. One of the blondes says
"If we lose the two last engines we
will be up here all day"
Two blondes walking down the street. One
reaches into her pocketbook for a make up
compact and looks into the mirror. "This
picture looks like someone I know" she
says. The other one has a look and says,
"Of course dummy, it's ME...."
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding
and asks her very nicely if he could see
her license. She replied in a huff, "I
wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and
then today you expect me to show it to you."
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths
of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine
alligator shoes in the worst way, but was
very reluctant to pay the high prices the
local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no
haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just
go out and catch my own alligator so I can
get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means,
be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch
yourself a big one!" Determined, the
blonde turned and headed for the swamps,
set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving
home, when he spots the young woman standing
waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim,
kills the creature and with a great deal
of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead
creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.
Just then the blonde flips the alligator
on its back, and frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any